Parting Words

I know from the title it seems like this could be the last post I ever write.  I hope that would be compelling enough for you to click through this post even though it's not my last post.

The real reason I'm writing is because of my parting words to my kids regarding anything.  They are going to school. Have Fun! They are walking over to a friends house.  Have Fun!

Pretty much that is my standard sendoff, and I think a lot of parents.  Even after church my first question often is, "Did you have fun?" As if that were the most important thing. (Hint: It's not)

Then I was thinking back to my parents or people in times gone by.  Often they would say Be safe! or drive safe!   Maybe my kids don't drive yet and so I don't think they could be hurt so quickly by being careless. Or maybe it's just a change in mentality.  

I don't think either send off is the right one.  Instead of reminding children to be careful, or encouraging them to be a bit reckless (that's how I would often have fun.) I think there is a middle way that is best. 

 Praise God!  or Glorify God!  seems like it should be the thing we are telling our kids.  You are going to school:  Glorify God! (by doing your best, by living with joy, by being responsible)  You are going to a friends house:  Glorify God! (by being a light for Christ, by listening to their parents, by having a great time delighting in this friend of yours who bears the image of God)

This brings me back to the tv show home improvement Where Brad, the oldest doesn't want to have his parents say I love you.  So they develop a code word imbued with meaning.  When Tim (the dad) says how about those lions?  He really means I love you. 

I doubt that my children want to hear me say glorify God to them as I send them off.  Simone doesn't even like me to kiss her goodbye, and Gabe is gone the moment we touch school grounds.  So maybe it's talking to them, and telling them what this kind of thing means and then encourage them with Live Well, or Do Good (like literally, do "good")

The point is, we should send our kids out with reminders that all of life is filled with significance. We need to underline that significance rather than utter vacuous statements that don't instruct or instruct in error.

Alright, until next time.  Live Well!

The Sanctity of Marriage

The Pew Research Center Recently released new findings and changing attitudes toward what marriage and family mean these days.  Read more in this Time Article.  It is a very interesting and telling study, basically it says that we still want to get married (95% of respondents under 30) but think marriage is a fading cultural institution (44% of that same age group think marriage will become extinct).  It shows that people who embrace marriage now more than ever are healthier and wealthier.  They live longer and make on average 41% more than singles.  Children of married parents achieve higher grades, and have better behavior than children of divorces.  Marriage is a gift and its benefits seen in society.  

And yet...

We devalue it, Americans see it as a fine choice, one they would like for themselves but not for everyone.  And not for better or worse.  

Divorce is actually declining, but cohabitation is way way up.  Cohabiting couples break up at much higher rates than marrieds even when kids are involved.

According to the study half of kids who are born to unmarried mothers were to people who were living together, over 50% of those mothers thought they would end up marrying the father, 5 years later only 16% were married.  

We are destroying the institution and destroying our nation, to give in to our personal whims and wishes  as we fail to keep our vows and commitments before each other, our friends and our God.  

Pray for your married friends and your marriages.  I'll pray for yours and mine.

All We Need is Love, and someone to tell us No.

I've been thinking about a "Theology of No" lately.  I think this really started as I was praying about different things and often getting a no from God.  My life changed back in 1999 when there was a ministry job at the (Syracuse Rescue mission) that I was sure I should get and sure I would get.  When I was told No by God my life was redirected.  5 months later, God had me in a different ministry (Bethesda Mission in Harrisburg) a very similar job, but in the same community as my future wife.  
When God said no, I was heartbroken and confused.  I wanted answers and I didn't get them for a long time. But now I see when God says no, he knows what he's doing.


Now that I'm a father, a loving father. I say no a lot.  My kids ask for a lot of stuff, but they are getting used to hearing no.  Sometimes it is very easy for me to say no, often its very hard.  Usually my kids requests are well within my power to accomplish.  Can I have ice cream, candy, McDonalds etc.  Often I think, I could give it too them, its in my power it will make them happy and what harm is there in saying yes.  The problem is if I always said yes there could be problems.  My kids could eventually get obese.  Happens a lot in America, am I right?  My kids could get spoiled. Again pretty common. 


Sometimes my kids ask me to intervene when kids at the playground have hit them.  They know they can't hit back. They come to me tell me the problem and ask me to step in and alter their situation.  Spare them the trouble, the fear the pain the hard stuff.  I always tell them to tell the other person that it's not OK.  Tell them to stop and that it's not nice.  It's hard, usually they just try to avoid the problem.  Once in a while they will address the person head on.  Once in a while they will stand up and confront the hardship and things will get better.  If they do that, and things still aren't changing, then I'll step in.


When people today think about God and his love they think like a child.  God has the power to step in and change things, he has the power to fix my situation, to make it easier.  If He loved me he'd do it.  We often parent like that, to the detriment of our kids.  I think we learn from our heavenly father, see that saying No is a part of his plan.  Its often how he teaches us.  He teaches us that getting everything we want is not healthy for us.  That always serving our impulses and desires and selfishness is destructive to ourselves and those around us.  As a parent the hard part is knowing when, why, and how to say no.  As a child of God, we need to accept the no, and consider what God is trying to teach us by saying no, (or even wait).  Do I need to face the trial, do I need to confront the person I'm having trouble with (most likely)  do I need to stop running and avoiding the things in my life that stress me out?  Do I need to grow up?  


Lord God, Father in heaven help us all to accept your no, to learn from the situation and to pursue the good things you have before us even if it gets a little muddy and murky and difficult on the way.  Amen