Marriage

This past weekend Dani and I went to a wedding.  It's always a good reminder for those of us married to hear others taking those vows, making that promise. To love:  to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I think it helps us to refocus on the part we play in making things work.  It reminds us of the difficult commitment we have made, but that indeed we did commit.  It reminds us of the joy and expectancy and hope of that day, a hope that still exists in us all as we continue to grow in that love or at least striving for that beautiful perfect love that we know exists.


Sometimes in that pursuit however, we get lost.  We get things backwards and messed up. I was reflecting on my vows.  The Old English vows written by Thomas Cranmer.  It's usually presented like this, "with all that I am and all that I have, I honor you." but the original reads this, "With my body I thee worship and with all my worldly goods I thee endow. Pretty big difference, right? I mean you can see the heart of the original in the revision.  It's a lot more palatable to modern sensibilities, but it loses the power of the original and the thrust of what marriage really is.  Marriage is a complete commitment to the other person for their good.  Usually we get married because we love who we are when we are with that person.  They make us happier, or smarter, or safer, or braver, or whatever, but all too often we love ourselves when we are with them.  Marriage and life together helps us to learn what it is to love someone.  


We see this progression in Song of Solomon.  in 2:16 it says this 


My lover is mine and I am his.


In 6:3 the order changes


I am my lover's and my lover is mine; 


In 7:10 we see a further evolution


¹⁰ I belong to my lover,
       and his desire is for me.




Notice how in the first verse (pre-wedding) the beloved is focused on possessing her spouse.  He is mine.  First and foremost this is about what he can do for me.  This is essential and a normal part of our growing into love.   The same thing happens in our relationship with Jesus.  We want what he can do for us.  So we accept the proposal.  


However, that's not the aim.  That's not what we hope for and ultimately, a possessive me focused relationship is unsatisfying.  In Chapter 6 we still see possession, we still see ownership, but we see the order changed.  There is a recognition of belonging to the other person, we begin to give up our rights to ourself. We begin to understand love as a place to give, but our sense of self and rights and desires are not eradicated.


In chapter 7, we see the difference.  A complete abandonment of self interest of possessing and owning the other.  We are now free to give ourselves completely to our spouse.  Here is the beautiful thing though.  She knows she is loved.  She knows her husbands heart is committed to her and without that love we don't get to this point.  There can be relationships where someone gives up their rights to themselves, and it's a messed up out of whack relationship that does not honor God.  There can be relationships where men demand women serve them and give themselves up for them, abusive, oppressive relationships. There can be relationships where women control their husbands, manipulating, nagging and operating in a way to suck all the joy out of the relationship in order to get what they want.   There are a lot of ways to mess up a relationship, for sure. But there is only one way to get it right, and that is for both spouses to see that every aspect of marriage is about caring for the other.  Giving all that you have and all that you are to each other.  That means mentally and emotionally, that means spiritually and physically and that means financially and sexually.  This is where we pick up these vows that Dani and I said 8 years ago.  


These are areas of conflict for a lot of couples, but these need to be areas that we both see as essential to the health of our relationships.  We need to seek to serve and care for and love each other through these areas. I'm going to deal with how to do that in later posts since this is already a monster as it is.  Here is a good article in the meantime.
http://www.diobeth.org/Bishop/DLColumns/dlcolumn10.html

Mercy

A while back my son got lost.  I started to freak out and panic.  I was so panicked I started yelling out "Gabe!" Of course this was done in public to the other parents judgmental and derisive looks. Eventually, I found him.  I was upset.  I've decided some time when we are out I will hide on him so that he feels the panic and fear that I felt.  I'll have to think of something else to help him understand the humiliation I felt by exposing my poor parenting to people I don't even know....


Ok, so actually I'm not going to do that.  I've already dealt with it with the words I forgive you.  Sure, I said some other stuff before those words. But I can and did forgive him because I don't need to have justice in the situation. I don't need to make sure things are fair because I was "wronged." I get a chance to forgive and in forgiveness we find mercy.


These days justice especially social justice is often held up as the highest moral virtue.  Maybe Love still holds the #1 spot, but we hear a lot about justice.  And I think justice is important and essential and I love that our God is a just God who will judge the evil and hate and all the things that bring about pain in our world. I'm glad for all the ways and chances we have to be involved in bringing justice to broken people and systems. I think the church needs to take a greater stand against oppression and unfairness inherent in America.  But I think it is important that we remember a few other things about God and the role of Justice, Mercy and Grace in the redemptive story


Justice is getting what you deserve, what is fair. I have a lot of things that I don't necessarily deserve more than others just because I was born at a certain time in a certain family, had certain opportunities.  All things where its not fair that I had an advantage and others didn't and so I want to work to provide fair structures and opportunities for all people. But there is another side to justice, to fairness.  I hurt people I love.  I get angry and impatient. sometimes people get mad back, but sometimes they can't exact justice and I get away with injustice. We all do. Ask my kids.


Mercy is not getting what you deserve.  For all the wrongs that we do we could get justice. God keeps track of them. Some of the people in our lives keep track of them and hold them against us. In reality that is fair, it is just it is right.  But there is another way.  A way of forgiveness.  A way to say, I know you wronged me but I'm not going to hold it against you.  That is the story of Jonah. I'll be preaching on it through July and into August. I'm excited to learn more about mercy and God's compassion for individuals, and nations and even animals. And I'm really really grateful for mercy.  Mercy extended by God, by my family especially by my wife, by my church and friends. Mercy should be met with gratitude.


Grace is getting what we don't deserve. So basically grace is beyond justice and beyond mercy.  It is something that we can't earn. It is something that goes beyond forgiveness. It is something that looks at all our failures and wrongs and the hurtful things we do and say.  It sees the times we turn our backs on justice.  It says in spite of all that, in spite of the evil in your past and in your heart. I will not only forgive you, I will bless you.  When we understand true Justice we can understand the good news.  We get to see the gospel and grace for what they are:  The true gift of God.

New Eyes

I got new glasses last week. I like them a lot, but I'm not sure if they are the reason I'm seeing the world more clearly.  On Monday I walked and prayed for an hour and the sky was a deep blue, the clouds a brilliant white.  The leaves seemed greener too. All the beauty had me thinking about our Creator and what we lose by being insulated from this world, inside all the time.  Stuck looking at concrete and brick.  We are becoming an increasingly atheistic people, especially in large cities.  Scripture often speaks of how creation demonstrates who God is.
Ps 19: The heavens declare the glory of God;
       the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
 ² Day after day they pour forth speech;
       night after night they display knowledge.

Romans 1:20
. ²⁰For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.

When I was younger I would go hiking, escape to the woods and let God's creative power work in me. I was reconnected with his immensity as I saw myself as a speck once again.  One of my favorite illustrations of his hugeness is:


Imagine a grapefruit.  Ok That grapefruit is the Sun, now imagine a grain of sand 35 feet away. that is the earth, the moon a speck of sand would be a half inch from the first grain of sand.  Now Imagine another grapefruit 2000 miles away. that's alpha centauri the nest closest star.  Now recognize that there are at least 100 billion stars (maybe 400 billion?) in the Milky way all about 1600 miles from each other using this same scale.  And at least 100 Billion galaxies in the Universe maybe 500 billion.  Think about how huge the universe is and that somehow it is always expanding.  Now you are one of 6 billion particles on that tiny grain of sand, and for some reason you think everything revolves around you.


 Psalm 8: ⁴ what is man that you are mindful of him,
       the son of man that you care for him?


yet he does...

Transformation

God has given me more time, desire and passion for His Word recently.  I've been doing devotions with my wife, reading The Pursuit of God by Tozer and reconnecting with a couple of spiritual mentors.  My faith is being refreshed and I'm being transformed, at least my passion for God is returning and as I am faithful and responsive to God's will and call to empty ourselves for those around us I will be transformed continually.


This is one passage that cut deep.


It (The veil of self that blinds us to God) is woven of the fine threads of the self-life, the hyphenated sins of the human spirit. They are
not something we do, they are something we are, and therein lies both their subtlety and their power.
To be specific, the self-sins are these: self-righteousness, self-pity, self-confidence, self-sufficiency,
self-admiration, self-love and a host of others like them. They dwell too deep within us and
are too much a part of our natures to come to our attention till the light of God is focused upon them.
The grosser manifestations of these sins, egotism, exhibitionism, self-promotion, are strangely
tolerated in Christian leaders even in circles of impeccable orthodoxy. They are so much in evidence
as actually, for many people, to become identified with the gospel. I trust it is not a cynical observation
to say that they appear these days to be a requisite for popularity in some sections of the Church
visible. Promoting self under the guise of promoting Christ is currently so common as to excite little
notice.


I am self focused (so are you), but seek to have them mind of Christ. (so should you)


 ⁵Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
 ⁶Who, being in very nature God,
      did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
 ⁷but made himself nothing,
      taking the very nature of a servant,
      being made in human likeness.
 ⁸And being found in appearance as a man,
      he humbled himself
      and became obedient to death—
         even death on a cross!
 ⁹Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
      and gave him the name that is above every name,
 ¹⁰that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
      in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
 ¹¹and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
      to the glory of God the Father.


Pray with me Tozer's prayer



Lord, how excellent are Thy ways, and how devious and dark are the ways of man. Show us how to die, that we may
rise again to newness of life. Rend the veil of our self-life from the top down as Thou didst rend the veil of the Temple. We
would draw near in full assurance of faith. We would dwell with Thee in daily experience here on this earth so that we
may be accustomed to the glory when we enter Thy heaven to dwell with Thee there. In Jesus’ name, Amen.


My hope is I can have more of God changing me in the blog and less focus on correcting the incorrect thinking of culture

Ah, Statistics

It's funny how everyone has research to defend their position.  Today there was an article in Time on Lesbian parents and their high performing kids.

This was my response to the article

It's easy to see the variables in the study that are problematic.  1) self reporting being the most obvious  "the parents agreed to answer questions about their children's social skills, academic performance and behavior at five follow-up times over the 17-year study period. "

2. The study should be compared not to all hetero couples but those who chose artificial insemination due to fertility issues for consistency and as a control.  Obviously choosing this path is intentional parenting and has a great financial investment, therefore better schools opportunity etc.   

3. The finding concerning whether a separation happens is interesting in that it produced no discernible difference.  

 We need to be discerning readers. I know I spend a lot of time reading things other than Scripture. But I find that the more time I spend reading books other that God's Word, even Christian books, especially church books I begin to focus on what I can do and get all these ideas about how to manipulate God's World...for his own good.  So to have hearts and minds aligned with Christ to be able to "give an answer for our hope" we must make the Bible the plumb line, the starting point for all things. Only then will we have  insight into fallen perspectives around us whether they be the lies of evil intent and errors of good intent.  

Right Again

I mentioned these flawed arguments for lowering the drinking age a while ago. It seems we have confirmation that despite all the talk about maturity with regards to alcohol the Europeans aren't really any better than what we profess to be.

No inconveniences please

The CEO BP the other day said he just wanted his life back. Please everyone who will forever be affected by the negligence and errors of my company, but all of your criticism is not good for my day to day well being.  

Sadly, I think this is how all of us operate. Maybe most of us if I'm being generous.  We really don't care what else is happening in the world as long as I get to do my thing.  We don't get out of our comfort zones because it would be too tough. We don't serve others because it would take too much time.  We don't like people cutting in front of us in traffic, or even traffic because it impinges on my desires right now.  

It's easy to point our fingers at the entitled and uber wealthy. I just need to keep looking back at my own life and remember. I'm not really any better. Christ is.